Helpful Thoughts Game: Introducing CBT to your children

Clients who have benefited from CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) often ask me how they can introduce CBT techniques to their children. 

Indeed if children become aware that thoughts influence their emotions and behaviors and can manage their thought patterns, it can help them greatly. Especially if they can be taught how a particular way of thinking under challenging circumstances can help them lessen its emotional impact and, in turn, influence a change in behavior that is beneficial. 

However, explaining this idea to young children can be challenging. A great way to do this is using games. One of the games that I tell my clients about is the “Helpful Thoughts Game.”  The Helpful Thoughts Game is described in a video I saw on YouTube. Play therapist Liana Lowenstein shows how this game may be used to educate children about how to feel and act better by detecting unhelpful thoughts and switching them with helpful thoughts. She does this with the assistance of her daughter  in a fun and engaging way.

Note: The following sections will be easier to understand if you have personally experienced CBT but can be helpful even if you have not. Grab your copy of the Free eBook “What is CBT?” from the bottom of this page.

How to Play the Helpful Thoughts Game?

Prepping for the game

The Helpful Thoughts Game is easy to prep for. First, on three pieces of paper or cardboard, write the following in big letters: “Thoughts,” “Feelings,” and “Behaviors.” Next, place these labeled sheets in a triangular shape on the floor, leaving enough space between each one to allow your child to travel a route between the spots. Finally, ensure you have some materials on hand, such as twine, rope, or ribbons, that you may use to connect the triangle’s three points on the ground.

Start by making the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

The child begins the game by standing in front of the “Thoughts” sheet. The parent or therapist instructs the child that they will play a game called Helpful Thoughts. It will demonstrate how you may improve your mood by switching negative, unhelpful thoughts to helpful ones.

The game’s first part demonstrates the connection between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The child is asked to link these three together with thread or other materials to show the connection. They can first lay a string between “Thoughts” and “Feelings,” then “Feelings” and “Behaviors,” and lastly, “Behaviors” and “Thoughts.”

I prefer to stick the string to the sheet with some glue or tape to make it easy to show how changing the position of one sheet will ultimately pull along the other two. Talk about how this is similar to what happens with us. (This is my addition, not there in the original game)

Show how situations can give rise to unhelpful thoughts and unwanted behaviors.

The second part of the game involves giving examples of situations that might result in unhelpful thoughts, which can have negative emotional and behavioral repercussions. This is done to further help the child understand the relationships between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Finding a spider on the floor and waking up after a bad dream are the two scenarios from the video.

The child is invited to stand beside the “Thoughts” sheet and repeat the unhelpful thinking that the parent or therapist reads to them to demonstrate how these situations might result in negative thoughts. The two unhelpful thoughts are “The monster from my dream is going to devour me” and “It spider is frightening, and if it creeps on me, that would be much creepier.”

The child is then instructed to proceed to the “Feelings” sheet and repeat the feelings that their unhelpful thoughts may have created. For example: “I feel terrified” and “I feel scared and unsafe” in this case.

The child is then instructed to move to the “Behaviors” sheet and list the actions they would take due to their unhelpful negative thoughts. “I climb up on the chair to escape the spider,” and “I cry and rush into my parents’ bedroom.”

Demonstrate how replacing unhelpful thoughts with helpful thoughts often gets better results.

The third part of the game helps the child understand how switching unhelpful thoughts with helpful thoughts can yield better emotional and behavioral consequences. This is done after showing them how having unhelpful thoughts can have a negative impact on their feelings and behaviors.

The child stands before the “Thoughts” sheet to start this part of the game. This time, they are told to repeat a helpful thought instead. These are “It’s only a small and harmless little thing; I can’t be hurt by it.” and “It’s only a dream, and It isn’t true.” 

The child is then instructed to move to the “Feelings” sheet and repeat the feelings that their helpful thoughts may cause. These are “I feel calm and safe” in both cases.

The child is then instructed to go to the “Behaviors” sheet and list the behaviors they would do due to their new helpful thoughts. “I calmly go to the chair” in the first scenario, and “I return to my bed” in the second.

These two scenarios are illustrative – parents are encouraged to use something relevant to the child. Also, always start with scenarios that are only mildly upsetting. Starting with something which was very overwhelming to the child can be counterproductive.

Playing the game with real-life situations.

When the child is familiar with how the game is played, you should continue to develop their mastery of CBT skills by having them participate more in the following ways:

(1) Asking the child to select instances from their own life in which they exhibited unhelpful thoughts, emotions, or actions. Remember to be neutral when they recall cases or you help them with it. So saying judgemental things like “When you behaved badly at the mall” can be replaced with “When you cried at the mall.” 

(2) Asking them to list the unhelpful thoughts they hold in each case, along with the feelings and actions that followed;

(3) Asking them to think about the feelings and behaviors they might experience as a result of using the helpful thoughts in each case. 

Adding some more fun to the game

If you watch the video, you will notice that a fun part of the game was how the child chose to move around the triangle, from thoughts to feelings to behaviors and back to thoughts. These included slow-motion walking, frog jumping, hopping on one foot, hopping on the other, marching like a soldier, and bunny hopping. 

Give the child these possibilities and invite them to think of additional ways to move around.  

Conclusion

This game is an easy, fun way to introduce a child to some of the basic concepts of CBT. Many other ways like CBT-focused card games and worksheets can be used with children. CBT works very well with children as long as age-appropriate techniques are used during the therapy.