First 5 steps towards self confidence with CBT

It’s not easy to be confident. However, self-confidence is a must if you want to achieve anything in life, be happier, become influential, less anxious, and less stressed. Others see your confidence when you express it and think of you as a problem solver.

Some people appear to be inherently self-confident, and it is simpler for them to maintain that confidence. But let me tell you their secret. They know that self-confidence is a learned skill, and I repeat, confidence is a skill that can be acquired. It might require you to reconsider some of your core beliefs, but it is achievable. So here are some steps to get you going on your self-confidence journey.

1. Knowledge is power

The first step in being confident is gaining as much knowledge as possible about your circumstances and the task at hand. Knowledge is power. You will be able to answer questions if you have the necessary expertise. This establishes your authority in the eyes of people around you and perhaps less knowledgeable. Few can argue with you when you have that authority.

2. Set goals

Next up is to define what you want to accomplish. Know what the desired end result should be and work back from that. Many people try to wing it and go with the flow, thinking that the results will come to them naturally. While that can work once in a while, it’s usually more effective when you know what you want right from the start.

3. Have a plan

After you determine what you want to accomplish, you can map out a plan in the form of goals and milestones. By breaking down the process into smaller tasks, it becomes more manageable. This will quickly increase your confidence levels because those smaller tasks will be easier to complete. It’s also a great feeling each time one of those milestones are met.

4. Have the courage to adjust

Nothing is set in stone, and there is room for change when you make up your plan. Part of confidence is knowing when something isn’t working and having the courage to adjust. By doing this quickly, you will not lose face. In fact, when you decide to change, you will show that you maintain the confidence needed. Of course, no one can be right 100% of the time. The key is to try not to be wishy-washy when altering your path. Instead, be firm on why you are changing and make the decision quickly.

5. Finally, take action towards self confidence

All previous steps will come to a naught if you do not take action. So, I often say to my clients. Gaining self-confidence is a lot like riding a bicycle. You can have all the knowledge to ride a bicycle, see tens of youtube videos, have a supportive team that encourages you to ride, but you will never learn to ride a bicycle unless you get on the saddle and ride. Yes, there is a risk of falling, but it must be considered acceptable.

Similarly, you have to take action and practice the task you want to be confident in to gain self-confidence. The more you practice, the more confident you become. You may have often heard that to grow; you have to step outside your comfort zone. While that is true for growth, it is not so for self-confidence. To be confident, you need to be in your comfort zone. You do this by making the new territory your comfort zone. How is that achieved? Practice, practice, and practice. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be doing the task and, in turn, be more confident. Do not fall into the trap of a premature comfort zone and start avoiding practicing the skills you need to develop confidence in.

Before I end, a tip about motivation. Motivation rarely precedes action, but it is very likely that taking action will motivate you. Thus, taking these steps to become more confident also acts as motivation for becoming self-confident. It is a virtuous cycle that you can leverage to get better and better. 

Conclusion

Are you thinking about where CBT is in all this? Think again, a combination of change in thinking and doing actions or, in CBT parlance, changing cognition and behavior is needed to become self-confident. That is precisely what CBT is all about. The best therapy is that which is conversational.  

Confidence will often lead you to become happier and more successful. But, of course, it takes commitment and time. But the rewards are too great to ignore. 

In summary

• Knowledge is power
• Set goals
• Have a plan
• Have the courage to adjust
• Take action

At times you may need help from a professional. I provide one-to-one therapy sessions based on cognitive behavioral therapy. If you want just to talk to know more, I invite you to have a virtual coffee with me.